Lesson on How to Treat a SQUIRREL!

Tonight, I thought that I would show you the proper way to treat one of the nasty renegade ground squirrels if you catch one. I will have to use my squeaky Birthday squirrel in place of a real one, unfortunately.

First you should grab it and shake it so that it doesn’t get a chance to turn and bite you… Be very careful and ready to let go and take another hold… Use both paws if necessary!

Once you have knocked it out, take a short breather, but be vigilant! Give it a little pinch, and if you feel it start to move again, grab and shake quickly to rattle its little brains around inside of its head… This is a GOOD place for “shaken squirrel syndrome!"

If it starts to scoot away, grab it quickly and give it a couple more chomps! Remember to use your paws to hold it if necessary.

Under no circumstances should you let someone take the squirrel from you until you are sure that it has been neutralized!

Be very careful that it doesn’t act dead and suddenly take off across the room. Be ALERT! Should this happen chase and grab it immediately and give it several more strong shakes!

You have to be very thorough… shake and chew until the squeaky… uh, I mean squirrel bones are completely crunched.

You have to show any other squirrels that may be watching that you mean BUSINESS! This is what they will get if they fool with YOU!

Now, go on out and catch yourself a squirrel!!!